Monday, April 18, 2011

Making Grits in the Microwave

Grits are a delicious source of starch, calories, salt, and fat (assuming you add salt and butter). They're awesome as a standalone cereal or as part of an eggs-and-meat breakfast. Here's how to prepare grits in a microwave oven.

Step 1: Obtain Grits
This is not quite as easy as it sounds. Go to your grocery's cereal aisle and locate the grits (near the oatmeal). If you see anything labeled "Instant Grits", don't touch it! It is evil and vile! You're looking for "Quick Grits". If your grocery store carries only "Instant Grits", move south.

Step 2: Measure Ingredients
Into a 2-cup Pyrex measuring cup pour 3/4 cup water. To that add 1/4 cup grits, 1 tablespoon butter, and a pinch of salt. Give it a few quick turns of a spoon.

Step 3: Cook Grits
Place the Pyrex cup in a microwave and heat at highest setting for 4 minutes. As soon as the timer sounds, remove the cup. The denser grits will be on the bottom. Stir well to achieve a uniform consistency. Warning: Failure to stir the grits at this point will result in a lumpy, gag-worthy mess.

Step 4: Let Grits Cool
When you take the grits out of the microwave, this delicious, buttery manna is boiling hot. The grits must be allowed to cool a couple of minutes. Of course, if you ladle them out onto a plate to be accompanied by sausage and eggs, they'll cool more quickly than if you leave them in the Pyrex cup for a stand-up, lean-your-butt-against-the-sink style breakfast.

Step 5: Eat Grits
Don't tarry excessively while eating your grits. Eat slowly enough to savor their deliciousness, but eat them while they're hot. Hot grits are ever so much more nummy than cold grits.

So now you know the right way to make grits. Next week I'll teach you how to boil water. What-evar!

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